Connecting and sharing online

It can help overcome the fragmented relationships of birth families or frequent care location movements, helping children and young people with care experience to maintain healthy, positive relationships and friendships, learn new skills, enhance their academic grades. Further reading can be found here.

Positive online networks can help to reduce physical and psychological isolation and can provide organisational and informal pro-social support as children and young people become more independent.

Learning and education is increasingly accessed online and children and young people with care experience regularly use technology for schoolwork. Their wellbeing can improve as will their opportunity to increase achievement and attainment of improved grades.

Access to special interest groups, such as those for food/diet, self-harm, suicide, or other mental health issues, can be helpful and informative but can also have negative effects on wellbeing. Age-appropriate discussions around the subject will help them to establish a balanced view.

Online video sharing and live streaming services such as Facebook Live, TikTok, and YouTube allow children and young people to develop creatively through participation, generating their own images or video content, as well as passively consuming existing content. They can also be a source of information and learning.

Pre-care experiences such as maltreatment and neglect are thought to persist and children and young people taken into care due to abuse are more at risk of sexual victimisation and exploitation.

Children and young people with care experience may have a disjointed or fragmented social background and the risk of over-reliance on social media contacts is high. Where contact with birth family members is inappropriate, children and young people should be made aware of their discoverability through social media and other technology platforms.

As children and young people spend longer online and become more active and independent, they will inevitably see something that may upset or confuse them. This can include sexual, violent, or harmful content. According to Online Safeguarding for Young People in Care, reports of actual online incidents for children and young people with care experience often involved experiences of visiting inappropriate sites.

48% of children and young people with care experience said they had been cyberbullied compared to 25% of those without known vulnerabilities.

Cyberbullying, unplanned contact and internet addiction are the top three risks ranked in the survey in 2019. Further discussion and research can be found here.

Findings from our research showed that children and young people with care experience are particularly susceptible to cyber scams.

There is an association between children and young people with care experience, in care experiencing cyber scams, and being a victim of cyber aggression. This suggests that if they report a cyber scam risk, a parent/carer may wish to talk about other possible experiences that co-exist. For example, evidence indicates that if they report online aggression, support should include addressing cyber scams with them.

Children and young people with care experience may look for places online and people to provide stable contact and interaction (good or bad) in place of physical interaction. They may have learned not to trust caregiving adults but can be won over by online contacts that do what they say they will do, give rewards, say positive things.

Children and young people with care experience may also overshare information (inadvertently or not) online that can identify them, their status, or their carers. This may be through the content of their posts or images (school uniforms, homes, favourite scenes), the regular posting of their location or through a choice of identifiers such as usernames and gamer tags.

If a child or young person is a victim of cyberbullying, they may find it hard to recognise it or to even tell you who is doing the bullying, so it’s important to:

Talk about healthy friendships

To help them recognise that a relationship is wrong, explain why it can put them at risk. Discuss what a healthy friendship looks like, so they have a reference point.

Know who they are connected with online

Think about why your child or young person might be continuing a relationship with someone that is toxic (as it may be fulfilling a need to be considered part of a group)

Get support from schools and other organisations

If the person or people doing the bullying are from a child’s school, you may want to contact the school about it. It’s natural for a child to worry about what the outcome of this might be and how the school responds will vary depending on their anti-bullying policy. All schools should have a policy and may have mentors who can help.

If the content of the bullying is sexual, targeted at your child’s ethnicity, gender, disability, or sexuality, if threats are being made to harm your child or incites your child to harm themselves, then consider reporting the activity to the police.

• Tackling Cyberbullying guide – Learn how cyberbullying can impact a child with additional learning needs and ways to support them if they are affected by cyberbullying
• ‘I wish my carer knew’ resource – Resource to encourage young people to use this to seek support or highlight areas that they feel they need support online.
• Anti-Bullying Alliance (ABA)
• Bullying UK helpline: 0808 800 2222
• Ditch The Label
• Cyberwise

• Reassure your child or young person it’s not their fault – they are probably feeling just as scared and worried as you. Let them know that your main concern is that they are safe and that you want to help them. Children and young people often worry about the ‘stigma’ of having been abused. Avoid treating your child or young person as if they are different in any way because of it
• Having calm and open conversations – explore what is happening in an honest and supportive way. Bear in mind that children and young people who have been abused will find it very difficult to talk about it
• Avoid questions that might be felt to be intrusive or pressurising – instead, focus on understanding how they are feeling now and what they might like from you
• Has the abuse definitely stopped? – Often abuse continues even after a child or young person has told someone about it
• Work with rest of team around the child or young person to develop the self-esteem and self-worth, relationship skills, social skills, and resilience

• Report it! If you suspect a child or young person is a victim of online sexual abuse, report it immediately to CEOP or contact the police on 999, for the local police, 101
• In some circumstances, you may need to save a copy of the abuse, storing it away in a secure file before deleting – as you may need evidence of this to the authorities and/or police
• You can also report a problem by visiting our report issue page. Your child or young person’s social worker and supervising social worker
• Also, Marie Collins Foundation and PACE are resources to help if your child or young person is a victim online sexual abuse

If you think your child is in immediate danger call 999.

• If there is a particular ‘friend’ that you are concerned about, find out more about who this person is and the true nature of the relationship. Make it a point to check-in with them regularly about the platforms they use and the people they interact with on these platforms
• Where possible, encourage them to use devices in shared spaces so that anyone contacting them knows they are not alone. Ensure they understand why this could help keep them safe, so they are more able to do it. Where they may feel the need for privacy, talk it out with them and agree on what would best work for them
• Discuss what they should and shouldn’t share online (even if they trust that person). Encourage them to keep their personal information private
• Talk about consent so they feel confident to say no if they are feeling pressured to do something, they are not comfortable with
• Don’t make them feel bad about seeking affection online but take the time to explain the safest way to explore their feelings
• Ensure they know where they can go for help if they get in trouble or are concerned. If a child or young person in the above environment does such things secretly, they are less likely to come forward as they would potentially fear implications of breaking the house rules (i.e., not using devices in family spaces meaning devices may be removed)
• Review their privacy and security settings on apps/platform
• Teach them how to block and report anything that makes them feel uncomfortable. If you are at all concerned about contact with your child or young person then report it to the Child Exploitation and Online Protection Centre (CEOP)

Steps to take if your child or young person has sent an inappropriate picture/video of themselves to someone online:

• Reassure them that you will work together to deal with it
• Explore the facts – Who was the image shared with and was it passed on?
• Contact the website provider – ask for the image to be removed from the platform
• So You Got Naked Online resource for normal and SEND
• Contact the CEOP if the image was sent to an adult as this is grooming

• Contact the CEOP if the image was sent to an adult as this is grooming
• Childline – 0800 1111
• NSPCC adult helpline: 0808 800 5000

If you think your child is in immediate danger call 999.

If your child or young person is being pressured to send a nude by someone at their school or other organisations like a youth group, approach the organisation as there should be a person who leads on safeguarding that will follow steps needed to investigate and report it.

What should you do then?

• Encourage your child or young person to tell you if anything worries them online or on their phone
• Reassure them that you will work together to deal with it
• Explore the facts – Who was the image shared with and was it passed on?
• Contact the website provider – ask for the image to be removed from the platform
• Do not shame or punish them, instead help them to understand that it is not appropriate or even lawful to make or share a sexual image of anyone under the age of 18

• Contact CEOP  if you need to make a report to one of CEOP’s Child Protection Advisors.
• Connecting Safely Online – Posting nudes and sexting
• Childline self-referral
• The Zip It app can help your child fend off requests to share nudes from young people they know. It provides witty ways to say ‘no’ and advice
• Childline – a free helpline

• Immediately block and report the perpetrator on the platform
• Retain any evidence on the device
• Don’t confront the alleged abuser
• Reassure your child or young person it’s not their fault – they are probably feeling just as scared and worried as you. Let them know that your main concern is that they are safe and that you want to help them. Children and young people often worry about the ‘stigma’ of having been abused. Avoid treating your child or young person as if they are different in any way because of it
• Avoid questions that might be felt to be intrusive or pressurising – instead, focus on understanding how they are feeling now and what they might like from you

• Report it! If you suspect your child or young person is a victim, report it immediately to the CEOP or contact the police. You can also report a problem by visiting our report issue page
• Alternatively, you can contact: Relate on 0300 003 0396. You can talk to Relate about your relationship, including issues around emotional abuse

If you think your child is in immediate danger call 999.

• Be a digital role model – be careful about what you share with others, including what you share with your child or young person. They may look to parents/carers as models of how to behave.
• Discuss what’s OK and isn’t OK to share – talk about what information is safe to post and what isn’t. Be clear and advise them to be careful when sharing information about family matters, health issues, sexual issues, or other people’s personal business with people online. Although it may be beneficial for them to share some things with support groups online, it’s important that they are aware of the potential risks.
• Talk about consequences – They need to know what’s at stake when they overshare. They can lose friends and cause people to feel embarrassed. Make sure your child understands that online posts can last forever.

If you need something taken down from a particular social media site, you can go to Ditch the Label, who can report the content to social media sites for expedited removal. You can also use the Report Harmful Content online website to get support on any issue you’d like to report. Also, if the information was further shared by a peer or classmate of your child or young person, contacting their school will help to ensure this does not happen again.

• Ensure children and young people have some understanding of how sites can use the information they provide so they can be more mindful of providing too much information on certain platforms. Take a look at our privacy and identity theft advice hub to learn more
• The Children’s Commissioner has published ‘Simplified social media terms’ that are easier for young people to understand  and can be used as part of everyday discussion
• Discuss the importance of resetting a password after sharing it with someone. Use this activity sheet to help children and young people better manage their passwords
• Stimulate critical thinking to help your child or young person avoid inappropriate behaviour online. Let them know about fact-checking websites and trustworthy sources so they can decide for themselves if something is fake or not. See our Fake news and misinformation guide for more support
• Use different email addresses for general online activity, social media accounts etc, and important high-risk accounts such as school or college, health sites, banking and shopping accounts

• Our Privacy and identity theft advice hub
• Activity sheets – To help children and young people better manage their passwords

• Immediately block and report the perpetrator on the platform
• Retain any evidence on the device
• Don’t confront the alleged abuser
• Remind them where to report inappropriate or unwanted content that they see online – you can try to get this removed

Under UK law, it is already illegal to publish images of under-18s with sexual content online. These are classified as child sex abuse images.

You can report revenge porn, whether it’s been shared by a vengeful ex-partner or a malicious third party who’s managed to get hold of the image, on the new helpline:

• Call 0845 600 0459 anytime
• Email [email protected]
• Report anonymously via Whisper

If you think your child or young person is in immediate danger call 999.

Here are a few resources that you can use to support a child’s interactions online and help them build good online habits.

• Connecting Safely Online – An online hub for both parents/carers and young people experiencing additional needs, to stay safe online
• ‘Your Digital 5 a day’ from the Children’s Commissioner can help stimulate regular and ongoing interaction
• Carers’ understanding of childhood brain development can be helpful in assessing risk for young people. Check out these following videos for more information: Sonia (TED Talk), Dana Boyd – Teenage privacy, Dana Boyd – “It’s complicated”
• Family activity packs from Think U Know may be helpful
• Increase your involvement with them on and offline